Who I am now.

this photo actually has nothing to do with this post except that I bought these for work and I love them already

I went to an interview yesterday at a sporting goods store and it was totally awesome. I walked into the store and am greeted with a "hey, how was your weekend?" so I started rambling about my goalie scrimmage--lord, give me half a chance, EVER, and I will talk about hockey, especially my own hockey, so he asked and I'm about to interview for a sports job, I mean, come on, let me tell you about hockey. I didn't realize I was being interviewed then but I think, honestly, if I didn't have the job before I walked in, I got it right then.

Later, the first guy goes "your application was so impressive, you have all the things we're looking for, all the people skills that can't be taught." The other one goes "I overheard you talking to him, and I was like 'who is that, they are so dynamic and friendly and obviously passionate.'"

*full stop*

You know how wild that is? I used to be the shyest person--ever. I'd walk into a store and even if I did need help, I'd say no. Or if I said no and later needed help, I'd never ask. Small talk was a whole different language. I could answer questions shortly but never, ever ask them, could not figure out how a conversation starts, or keeps going, or ends. I had no idea how to represent myself fairly and often would just be like "yeah, totally" even when I didn't really think the same as the other person. It was basically impossible for me to disagree with someone, and it was hard for me to bring up a new subject.

I am not that girl anymore. I'm just not. Sometime between graduating from high school and graduating from college, things changed. I became friendly to strangers, I became confident, I became versed in small talk. More than anything, I started to understand how to be me. How to ask questions and not feel embarassed. How to disagree with someone and have it not be a big deal. How to word things so I don't come off as abrupt and rude and aloof, when really I was just insecure and shy and uncomfortable.

It'd be unfair to myself if I said I didn't know how it happened. Some of it, yes, was seemingly overnight. But when I think back to my freshman, sophomore, junior years in college--there were so many times I forced myself to go somewhere new, forced myself to ask a question, forced myself to talk to someone I didn't know, forced myself into a new hockey situation, and was proud of the smallest step towards confidence and social skills. I worked hard to get this ball rolling--though once I really got started, it was easier to keep the ball going, which I think is where the "overnight" feeling comes in. I stopped noticing every time I talked to someone, because it stopped being a big deal.

I've been feeling discouraged about looking for jobs (honestly I wasn't looking that long, but I was still frustrated) and feeling discouraged about my future, and thinking maybe I had to re-think who I am and want to be, and forgetting all the hard work I've done to be who I am today--or maybe feeling like it didn't matter. It wasn't paying off.

And it just did. I was able to fill out a couple questions on an application, and walk into a store and come out with a JOB because of, basically, who I am and how well I am able to represent myself.

I could not be a single ounce prouder of myself than I am right now. I rock, and I know it--and more importantly, I know exactly how to show it.